


An Attempt at Mischief, Averted by Sarcasm

by Binarybinarybinary



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-19
Updated: 2015-11-13
Packaged: 2018-01-05 04:25:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1089597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Binarybinarybinary/pseuds/Binarybinarybinary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*Spoilers for Thor 2* Loki is bored on the throne of Asgard, and decides to find something more interesting to do.  He comes to Midgard to annoy his brother, and finds something else instead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Loki Leaves Asgard

So, Loki has everything he wants. He has tricked his way onto the throne, he will not be caught due to some fancy magic... he managed to entrap Odin in such a way that it was not obvious to Heimdall that it was not Odin on the throne. Basically, Loki should be happy. So why did he just feel bored? Nothing is happening in Asgard. There are no wars to be fought, everyone thinks him to be Odin, and basically leaves him alone. For a man of Loki’s intellect, this is quite possibly the worst experience ever. He is the god of mischief, not one to sit idle and have nothing to do. The throne of Asgard is startlingly dull; it is surprising he has never noticed this before. Loki thinks on these things for several days, not really knowing what to do with himself. He is loathe to give up that which he has wanted for so long. He tried so hard to get here, and it required much planning. Abandoning his prize does not seem like a logical choice, however the chaos inside him is riling at the monotony of his current position. Perhaps it would be for the best to change his course. He decides to go and speak to Odin. Perhaps he can find some way to use his father (not his father) to better reach his true purpose.

 

When Odin sees Loki show up next to him, he does not seem surprised. “My son, I am surprised that it took you this long to come to me. Is the throne not all that you thought it would be?”

 

“I am not your son. And I just came to you to tell you how much better at rule I am than you ever were. Sitting up there, above us all; I am already such a better king than you ever were!” Loki spat. He turned away from Odin and instantly returned to his room. Loki screamed in frustration and started systematically destroying everything around him. Why did Odin not see. Why did Odin not understand. Loki is so much more than this. So much more than this throne, with is patience and stillness. Loki was made to move; he needed to find something worthy of his intellect. Of course, in thinking all of this, he was obviously glossing over how well the man who brought him up did know him, and how obvious it was that Odin was saying exactly what Loki was saying just now. 

 

“I wish mother was still alive. She understood me, like Odin never did.” Loki said to himself. He could not shake the melancholy he felt over Mother’s death. It was so sudden, and when it happened he was trapped, impotent in a cage of Odin’s creation. Nothing caused him more torment than he could not speak to his mother again. Loki feels he must find something to do, or he will go mad with this grief. And madness, as it turned out, did not suit him. He flopped down onto his destroyed bed in a huff. “What can I find that will be of interest to me again?” Loki was disappointed that he had to make Thor think him dead in order to fulfill his plans of taking the throne at Asgard. Thor was always fun to play tricks on and harass. He had such a temper, and it was too easy to get him riled up. Thor was always good for alleviating boredom. He could go spy on Thor in Midgard. That might be entertaining, a break from the boredom of Asgard at least. 

 

Thinking on this new plan for a while longer, Loki came to an unpleasant realization. In order to go to Midgard to spy on and generally terrorize Thor, he would have to go back and speak to Odin again. He would need to find a way to make this sound like it had nothing to do with being bored of the throne. Loki quickly found himself with Odin again. 

 

He storms up to Odin and gets right in his face. “I am going down to Midgard to see what Thor is doing with all of those prattling mortals.”   
Odin responds calmly, “if that is what you think is best, my son.”

 

Loki replies, “I am not your son. And I am sure that even with all of the mundanity of Midgard it will be of more intrigue than this throne.” Loki paces the floor, carefully picking his next words. “Since I am leaving Asgard, I suppose as long as you do not plan to send anyone to Midgard after me I will leave, and when I do, this entrapment will release you. I cannot stand to be here anymore.”

 

Odin stares at his son, “I hope that you find more of what you need on Midgard than you ever did here. I wish that you do not remain in your brothers shadow for long there, I do not think you will enjoy that any more than you have enjoyed the throne here.”

 

“You know nothing of what I need to do on Midgard. I will do as I please once I arrive there.” Loki stalks off. He paced back and forth in his quarters for around an hour, fuming at what his father (not his father) had said to him. Eventually he cooled down, and determined it did not affect what he was going to do in the slightest.


	2. Loki is not Amused by Thor and Jane's 'Lovemaking'

Thor and Jane have a lot of sex. Loki has been on Midgard for two days, and has already seen his naked brothers ass way more than is truly necessary for anyone to have to deal with. Other than the copious amounts of intercourse, Thor is living a fairly boring existence. Thor and Jane are currently in North Dakota, trying to avoid the world around them. 

“If only they knew how many eyes were on them at all times,” Loki thought to himself. For it was not only Loki who was watching the couple. Loki is much better at hiding himself than these men, however. They had no chance of seeing him through his magic. He had noticed a couple days ago that there were many men who found themselves in the vicinity of Thor and Jane’s place of residence. If it could even be called that. Plus, it was horribly located for any protection from invasion. 

“This is a horrible way to live. Even Thor must notice the squalor. And there are only two rooms!” Loki couldnt imagine why Thor was willing to live in a place such as this. Maybe he should blow it up the next time they go to town. That would be an amusing pressure to put on their relationship. And, he could see what all of these men were doing hanging around the house. They would either try to kill Thor, or take them away for Thor and Jane’s “protection.”

Loki wandered into the house to see what Thor and Jane were doing now. They had JUST had sex, so hopefully they would be doing something different now. There were only so many times Loki could walk in on their incredibly sappy love making. Jane was a cryer; Loki could not believe that his brother, who had taken so many Midgardian women in his time would want one such as this. Jane was so helpless during the small issue with the dark elves. She might be smart by Midgardian standards, but she was so weak physically and looked like an accidental enthusiastic gesture on the part of Thor might break her in half.

They were sitting at the breakfast table, where Thor was plowing his way through a box of frozen waffles. He hadn’t even bothered to cook them. Loki rolls his eyes. 

“Thor, waffles are supposed to be eaten hot. Not frozen”

“But this food is delicious this way! All crunchy and frosty. Dunked in the brown liquid!”

Loki noted that his brother had gotten syrup into his hair. His manners were really not what one would expect of a prince of Asgard, but then again, his brother had always been... shall we say... enthusiastic about eating. 

“I know you want to stay out of SHIELD’s line of sight, but I really miss working on the science of the bifrost, and SHIELD has the best resources around.”

“Jane, I do not think it wise for us to associate with them freely. Also, you have my presence now to occupy you! Can we find something else for you to study?”

Loki observed Jane’s long sigh and raised his eyebrows “Trouble in paradise already, brother? Your skills in the ways of women must be getting weak.” He chuckled to himself. His brother always thought himself better than any other. This is not going to end well for him, Loki thinks. Boring of their domesticity, Loki decided to go an see who these men are surrounding the house. 

Loki wanders around for a bit, finding five different men in varying locations around the house, before he finally finds one who is speaking.

“Nothing to report here, Director Fury sir. They are just eating breakfast.” The man pauses for a bit, apparently receiving information, and then continues on. “Miss Foster is attempting to convince Thor to come in to SHIELD with her. Intervention may not be necessary.”

Well, that is interesting, Loki thinks to himself, casually causing the man’s listening device to feedback rather loudly in his ear, they want Thor to come back into the fold. Interesting, as SHIELD seemed so upset with him when Thor took him back to Asgard instead of leaving him on Midgard for SHIELD to handle. It might be interesting to see what Thor does back in their grasp. Just watching Thor and Jane was pretty boring. Getting them back to civilization would be much more interesting. Plus, he could potentially wreak some havoc on the other Avengers, and that would definitely be more fun than listening to Thor and Jane have squishy weepy sex. 

"How do I push them into SHIELD's grasp, and make Thor think that is the safest place for them?" 

Loki followed the SHIELD agents around for a couple of days, making different parts of their equipment feed back on them, and occasionally leaving footprints behind. He wanted the agents good and jumpy so that when he really did something dramatic they would add all the pieces up and want to get Thor and Jane to a more secure location. The agents needed to believe that a real threat that they did not see had spent time around Thor and Jane, and then threatened their lives. Loki began to systematically destroy the agents weapons, removing different small pieces, making sure it is something that will be obviously removed upon cleaning of the weapon, but not readily obvious before then. Loki is almost gleeful in his actions, enjoying seeing new plans come into formation from his actions. Also, it was good to be doing something again, he had thought he knew how bored he was on the throne, but now with something to keep him occupied again... it was wonderful to interact with his world again. 

Loki decided to test how jumpy he had made the various agents. He found an agent who’s listening device he had not destroyed, and threw a rock at the back of his head. Loki let the agent see his heel disappear behind a tree, and then waited. The agent attempted to shoot him, found his weapon would not fire, and then attempted to call for backup. 

“Potential threat viewed, could not engage. All of my weapons appear to be tampered with.”

Three other agents appeared very quickly, checking their weapons and finding they were all missing key components.

“Where is everyone else?”

“Can everyone come in?”

None of the other agents responded, as Loki had destroyed their listening devices. Loki laughed at their confusion, and then went back to the house, to develop his plan to worry Thor. It would be much harder to convince him of a threat that wouldnt be something that he could protect his precious Jane from on his own. 

“Those simpletons outside would love to already take Jane and Thor in to SHEILD and have Thor wrapped back up in the Avengers.” Loki can only hope that Jane will be easy to spook. He has had his fun out here, but it would be nice to be in civilisation again.

Loki found Jane and Thor (not difficult in a home with only two rooms) and saw Jane crying once again. Sighing heavily, Loki shut off the power to the house, and plugged his ears. Jane screamed loudly, and lept into Thor’s arms. 

“It is only a little darkness, Jane! Nothing to be afraid of!”

“Thats for you to say! Didn’t you hear the shouting outside earlier?”

“Nothing to fear. I have everything under control.”

Loki chuckled to himself. And promptly flicked the lights back on, as well as every other device in the house. Jane, predictably, screamed again.

“Thor, I do not want to live out here any more. I want to be back in the city, learning what I can about the science of the bifrost, and working with other scientists again! I am sick of being stuck out here in these woods!”

Loki smirked to himself. “This is going to be easier than I thought.” 

“Jane, I did not know...”

“Of course you didn’t, you like being out here.”

“Well, yes! It is glorious to be out here in nature, enjoying the forest. Hunting!”

Loki rolls his eyes. Of course Thor would really want to stay in the woods, not for his own personal integrity, to stay separate from those Midgardian Avengers, but because he wanted to play mountain house with Jane. No matter how little Jane actually enjoyed it or not.

"Well, Thor, I would really like to start working again. I miss Erik. And I want to study the bifrost again. And SHIELD would give me that opportunity."

"Jane, I want you to be happy. I did not realize you were so unhappy here. We can go to New York, and I will introduce you to the man of iron."

Well, this was easy, thought Loki, smiling to himself. And Thor is going to go to Stark. That will certainly be entertaining.

"Oh, Thor, thank you thank you thank you thank you!" Jane shouts throwing her arms around Thor's neck. Thor pulls Jane into his lap, and bends his head down to kiss her.

"Ugh." Loki scrunches his nose up and leaves the house.


	3. Back into the Lab

Loki is surprised to find that Thor and Jane do not go to New York to meet up with SHIELD and the other Avengers. Instead Loki finds himself in yet another remote location. At least there are more people here for him to watch. And hopefully they will be more interesting than Thor and Jane. His brother was not nearly as interesting when he was being all domestic with Jane, and Jane was far too easy to manipulate. Loki was sure the avengers would be more interesting.

Thor and Jane had gotten to the SHIELD facility yesterday, and had spent the whole evening being debriefed on the new facility, and the part Jane would have with their science department. Apparently Banner and Stark were working on the science behind the chitauri weaponry and hovercraft. Tony had figured out the tech, but they were not able to convert it into anything other than weapons, and neither Tony nor Bruce were willing to work on developing and mass producing weaponry for SHIELD. Because of this, they had reached a bit of a stand still in their work, and since Jane was willing to come into the science fold with SHIELD again, they would wrap up what they were currently working on and change to studying how to develop a way for Earth to harness the power of the Einstein Rosen Bridge. Thor at this point had shouted about how the Midgardians would never be able to control the bifrost, and was generally just terribly racist. 

The SHIELD agent explained that Banner and Stark worked at the facility that Stark had developed, since he refused to work in the SHIELD facility, but that Stark had been willing to work with SHIELD to bring Jane onto his team. 

Jane and Thor were being driven to Stark’s facility, and Loki was blithely turning the radio on and off, and changing the station, generally driving the poor agent driving Thor and Jane mad. Eventually they arrived at Stark’s facility. It was ten stories high, and according to the SHIELD agent, there were as many floors down below as well. This building certainly wasn’t as attractive as Stark’s tower in New York, but at least this one lacked the phallic imagery of the other. 

The SHIELD agent began going through more security information with Thor and Jane.

"Boring" Loki says to himself. He decides to go through the building a bit on his own, and see who all Thor and Jane would be spending their days with now.

Loki finds the research and development portion of Stark's facility quickly. Stark had his own floor in the department, and the walls, ceiling, and floor on this level were heavily reinforced.

"Perhaps Stark tests out his Iron Man weaponry here." Loki said to himself.

A girl was walking down the hall toward Loki, singing to herself, and not paying attention to where she was going. She looked happy and buoyant in attitude. Loki was surprised at how attractive he found this girl.

"Thor is the one who likes Midgardian women. No matter how attractive this one is, she will end up being boring like all the rest."

The girl answered her phone. "Hey Pep! What's happening? 36 hours? Really? Oh don't worry, I am very good at getting Tony to leave. He will be up shortly. Yeah, Pep, not a problem. I am good at wrangling scientists! I am Darcy the official science wrangler! Ok, bye Pep. Yeah, yeah. Of course." She hung up the phone.

So, this girl was Darcy. His idiot brother had spoken of her before. Apparently she hit him with a car. And then struck him with some handheld lightning, knocking him out. Perhaps this small Midgardian would be more intriguing than he thought possible.

Loki follows Darcy through two doors. One normal off the hallway, and one oversized and heavily reinforced. They enter an incredibly high tech lab, and as soon as she enters, Stark runs across the room and hides behind another man.

"Bruce, Pepper needs Tony. So, if you could, yah know, pull him out of your ass where he has attempted to hide himself... That would be great." Darcy dead panned.

"Oh" thought Loki. That explains the thick walls and fancy door. Banner is working with Stark.

Stark pops up from where he had crouched down behind Banner. "That was mean Darce. If I was in Banner's ass, trust me. He would not be paying any attention to you."

"Come on Tony. Go upstairs. Pepper hasn't seen you in almost two days. You need to go upstairs and eat something."

"Five more minutes Darce. Please?" Tony pouted.

“No!” Darcy shouts, “Pepper is...” Right then, Jane, Thor and the agent walked through the door. “God Damn it. This is just what I need. Tony needs to go upstairs, and you people come waltzing in here, devil may care.” Darcy laughs. “Hi Jane!”

Jane looks shocked to see Darcy. “Darcy? I didn’t know you were going to be here!”

“Oh yeah man. SHIELD snatched me up! Couldn’t have me roaming the streets... Plus, I am the best scientist wrangler they have ever seen.”

“Oh. Well that is great for you. I will be glad to have someone here who knows my paper scheme.” Jane says, and turns to Thor. Loki is surprised, Jane seems somewhat uncomfortable to see Darcy here at Stark. That seems odd to him, since it sounds like Darcy got this job because of her connection with Jane.

Thor walks over and grabs Darcy around the waist and booms at her, “Lady Darcy! It is so good to see you again! We did not expect to find you here with the man of iron.”

“Well, hunky, I need a job. And who doesn’t love having them some Darcy in the lab? I rock!” Darcy smiles at Thor, her confusion over Jane’s reaction to seeing her forgotten.

“How are you a rock?” 

“Oh, Thor. I have missed you.” Darcy laughs and turns to Tony, “Ok, man! I have done the meet and greet, and we need to get you upstairs for some dinner and some Pepper time.”

Tony sighs heavily, and puts down the half finished bot he had been toying with before everyone showed up. “Ok, Darce. You’re the boss.”

“And don't you forget it!” Darcy grins at Stark.

Darcy and Tony leave the room, Darcy smiling at Jane on her way out, and Jane still just looks kind of shocked and out of it. Darcy furrows her brow and then continues out with Stark in tow.

Loki cannot decide what to do. He wants to learn more about that girl, she seems terribly amusing, much more intriguing that Jane ever was. He wonders why Thor did not pick her. He form was much more pleasing than Jane’s, and her personality much more dynamic. 

“Ah, well but I need to learn of what my brother is going to do. We can find the strange girl later.” Loki decided to stay in the lab, and see what he could learn here. Also, perhaps he could mess with the lights and temperature and see what he could do to get Banner to Hulk out. 

Banner takes Jane over and starts showing her around the lab, as he does so, Loki starts looking at the different controls around the room. In a place such as this lab he needs to learn first, and flip switches later. It would not do to just blow the whole thing up, Loki laughs to himself. Suddenly, there is a massive crash behind him.

“Lady Jane! I appear to have disturbed this metal creature!”

Bruce laughs dryly, “Oh thats Dummy. He is one of Tony’s bots. I am sure he was trying to help you. What were you doing?”

“I was attempting to retrieve one of these delicious breakfast time pop tarts! I knocked over this large metal machine, and then the metal creature tried to pick it up and knocked over the whole table! It made a glorious noise did it not, Lady Jane!”

“Yes, Thor. It was very loud. Can you help Dummy clean up though? He seems to be struggling.”

“Of course Lady Jane! I will right what I have destroyed.”

Loki rolls his eyes at his brother’s childlike exuberance for everything. He now wishes that he had followed Stark and the girl. Their conversations were surely not this inane. He however, does not feel like wasting time looking for them in the tower, and he wishes to keep his magic usage to a minimum. The system Stark had in his tower in New York seemed rudimentarily able to notice his magic, and it would not be good to get noticed before he was ready to announce his presence. Whenever that turned out to be. The girl will be in the lab quite a bit from what it sounds anyways.


	4. Learning Dynamics, Getting People in Trouble

The way that Tony ran his house was frustrating for Loki. All of his usual minor mischiefs would not work here, as all of the lights, and the air conditioning were run by his AI. So, he could not use these things to annoy and harass all of the residents in the facility. Which was a real pain, Loki had really wanted to see if he could create enough minor annoyances all at once to make Banner turn into the Hulk. 

He had spend most of the night exploring the building, and learning his way around it. Stark has obviously made this building with the Avengers in mind. There are several floors of apartments, a gym, and central to the apartment floors there is a communal gathering place. lots of couches, a huge kitchen and long table, and several large televisions. Loki finds Midgardian’s obsession with the television tedious. It is difficult to think with a large box blaring noise and flashing images at you. This is where Loki was when Jarvis turned on the lights for morning. He looked up from where he was studying a game of chess, and saw Darcy coming out of the elevator. 

“I’m a barbie girl, in a barbie world, made of plastic...” Darcy is singing, rather tunelessly, and skipping towards the kitchen. Loki is pretty sure if his eyebrows were any more raised at her behavior he might hurt himself.

Darcy suddenly rips on the cords going towards her ears. “I am not allowed to sing to that song. I don't like that song. I don't know how that song ended up on my ipod.” She shouts the the empty room. Setting her ipod (Loki assumes) onto the table, she moves behind the counter and starts pulling out pans, bowls, and different ingredients. 

“Plus, there is like a foot of snow outside. That is not a winter song. JARVIS?”

“Yes, Darcy?”

“Can you hit me up with some awesome tunes?”

“Of course.”

Music starts coming in softly through the speakers in the kitchen. Darcy smiles to herself, still organizing things on the counter.

“Awesome, JARVIS. Mumford & Sons! You have way better taste than my stupid ipod.”

“I aim to please, Darcy. And it is nice to play something a bit more modern.”

Darcy laughs to herself, and starts mixing things together in a bowl. 

Loki hears a voice coming out of the elevator, it is the Widow. He is very impressed by her, not many people can manipulate him the way she did. 

“Yes, yes, yes. I understand sir. I believe that is not the best course of action. I can go in and fix this.” She sits down at the counter, and rolls her eyes at Darcy. “Yes, of course. Call me when you decide.” Dropping the phone, she looks up at Darcy. 

“So, whats for breakfast?”

“Pancakes!”

“Any fruit?”

“Of course, strawberry good?”

The Widow smiled and nodded at Darcy. Darcy got a box of strawberries out of the fridge, cored and cut them quickly. This was obviously something she was quite good at. Transferring them into a bowl, she was turning to put them on the counter in front of the Widow when Hawkeye dropped out of the ceiling in front of her. Loki was shocked to see him appear so quickly, as was Darcy apparently, as she dropped the bowl of strawberries on the floor with a crash. 

“Clint you ass! I will never get used to that!” Darcy screamed at him. Loki felt a surprising amount of wrath against Hawkeye for making Darcy drop the strawberries. She had worked so hard on them. He unzipped Hawkeye’s zipper to his pants with a flick of his wrist. 

The Widow smacked Hawkeye on the back of the head. “Go clean the kitchen up, and you better hope there are more strawberries. I wanted those.”

“Okay, okay.” Hawkeye says raising his hands and laughing. He picks up all of the strawberries, and cleans up the broken bowl, then sets about preparing a new set. Everyone is smiling again very quickly, this seems like a regular morning for them. Loki is curious about this quick to forgive nature. He certainly would not have thought the Widow capable of it. 

“Clint, you wanna help me get more of these done faster? People are gonna be showing up soon, and with Thor here now, I have to make nearly double the amount of food.”

“Shit, yeah. They got here already?” Hawkeye walks over and takes over one of the pans on the stove. 

The Widow sighs heavily. “Do you not ever look at your SHIELD memos?”

“Of course not,” he smirks, winking at her, “I’ve got my girls for that.”

The Widow just stares at him stonily, Darcy smacks Hawkeye on the backside and laughs, “Of course you do, hottie!”

“Don’t. Clint doesn’t need the ego boost. He already thinks too highly of himself, and I have to save his life all the damn time.” 

“Understood, boss!” Darcy grins at the Widow, and surprisingly Loki notices that she smiles back at Darcy. 

“They must all be very close here” Loki mumbles to himself. He is confused that the Avengers are living together like this. They certainly did not seem like a cohesive unit before. He needs to make sure that he learns what makes them tick as a team.

Thor and Jane walk into the room now. Thor goes bounding up to Darcy and picks her up. “Lady Darcy! Are you now making us a feast?”

“You know it! Clint is begrudgingly helping me.” Darcy smiles at Hawkeye, and winks at the Widow. The Widows attitude has completely changed with Thor and Jane coming into the room. She has straightened her back, and does not respond to Darcy. This doesn’t seem to phase Darcy one bit, as she struggles a bit in Thor’s grasp. His brother was always a bit of a brute.

“Thor, hon. Could you please put me down?” 

“Oh yes! Lady Darcy. Will we shortly have our feast?” Thor drops Darcy, where she surreptitiously has to pull her pajama pants back up over her undergarments. Loki raises his eyebrows, as Darcy’s undergarments have little hulks all over them. As his eyes flick up, he catches Hawkeye looking at Darcy’s pants as well, and Hawkeye thumps her with his hip, laughter in his eyes. Loki furrows his brow in annoyance, and as Hawkeye bends over to get another plate to put pancakes on, carefully splits his pants with a clench of his hand. 

Darcy’s reply is cut short as she starts laughing hysterically. “Oh my God, Clint.” She points at his backside, unable to get any more words out, as tears start streaming out of her eyes as she attempts to stop laughing. 

“Hawkeye, brother, it appears as though you have broken through your garment!” Thor states. 

“Huh. Well, that is unexpected. I will be right back, people. Unless you want to see me eat in my briefs!”

“Not today Clint, not today.” Darcy says, still laughing a bit. “You might traumatize Jane, and she’s only just gotten here.” 

“We shall save my glorious thighs for her perusal another time then eh?” Hawkeye replies waggling his eyebrows in Jane's direction. Jane does not quite seem to know how to react to Clint. 

Jane laughs, “Hi, I’m Jane. Nice to meet you?”

“Likewise! And since you have such noble thighs to look at in your life already, I am going to go and cover my body more appropriately. If you let Thor eat all the pancakes, there will be hell to pay!”

“Of course not.” Jane replies.

“Clint, get Bruce, ok?” Darcy asks, “I am sure he is just hiding in his room because we have more people at breakfast this morning.”

“Righto, Darce!”

Darcy starts passing out pancakes, and everyone gathers around the table. As people start to sit down and move away from the kitchen, Loki walks over to where Darcy is. She certainly looks like a normal Midgardian girl, like any of the thousands his brother had taken over the years. So why was she so interesting? Loki was slightly lost in his own thoughts, and accidentally let Darcy brush up against him. She shivers to herself, looks confused for a second and then moves on to eat breakfast. 

\---------

It is very hard to creatively harass people when artificial intelligence controls all of the easy ways to do it. 

\---------

Loki is down in the lab with Jane, Banner, Stark, and Darcy. He has unsnapped Darcy’s bra four times this morning, just to see her abject frustration over it. The first time, she hit Stark for it, even though he was all the way across the room yelling “You perv! You put bots in my bra didn’t you?”

Stark has spent the past two hours attempting to develop bra removing bots. That was not an outcome Loki had predicted. But it did have the added humor value of making Banner and Jane blush everytime he mumbled something about nipples, or bra material.

“Pep, you need to do something.” Darcy is on the phone. “Tony is threatening the security of the company continuing to exist!”

Loki thought that was enough information, and casually hung up Darcy’s phone. 

“Hello? Hello? What the fuck. Tony! This new phone you gave me just quit working!” Darcy yells, throwing it at his head. 

“That shouldn’t happen.” Stark said, “And it didn’t. You hung up on Pepper. She’s gonna be pissed when she gets here!”

“Yeah, at you dumbass. For making f’in bra bots.” Darcy snaps back at him.

“But I haven’t seen her in ages,” Stark pouts. “And now I don't get to show her the new feature I added to my suit.”

“Dude, I don't think she is gonna be any more impressed than I was that you can now have sex with the suit on.”

Loki laughs to himself. “Little Midgardian girl, trying to control Iron Man. She is formidable.” Perhaps I should find a way to make her acquaintance. 

\---------

Darcy appears to never leave the facility. There is a town not to long away by vehicle, but it appears as though everyone is very happy to stay in. Fortunately, she decides she wants to get something that would be a surprise for Tony while Pepper is staying with them at the facility. So, she goes into town for that. Of course, she takes Banner with her, so it is not ideal, but a better opportunity than he ever would have had in the facility under the watchful eye of Jarvis. 

“Bruce, I am so glad you came with me! We never get to hang, man!”

“I am still not sure this is a good idea. But, you were determined to go, and I couldn’t let you go alone. Clint and Natasha would have killed me if you had gotten hurt. Why couldn’t they come?”

“When I went to ask Nat, Clint had his face in between her legs. You wanna guess whether or not she had pants on?” Darcy waggles her eyebrows suggestively.

“I do not, and am aware that Natasha and Clint were sparring.”

“You are so boring bro! Tony would have asked lots of dirty questions that I could have been super misleading in the answers to. It would have been so much more fun that way.”

“Darcy, I listen when you talk. And pay more attention than you would think.”

“Still, boring.”

“Yes, dear. Did they even notice when you came in? Or were you going to count catching them out of the corner of your eye as asking for someone to go to town with you?”

“It doesn’t matter. You caught me on the way out. Being all sneaky.”

“I was meditating in the front of the house. You tripped over me.”

“Whoops.”

Banner laughs, and smiles at Darcy. Loki is surprised with how comfortable Banner seems around the girl. There is no way for Darcy to protect herself from him, but neither of them seem terribly worried about the Hulk, Darcy especially seems dangerously calm in the face of such danger. 

As they pull into the small town, Loki looks around and tries to determine what the two will be doing while they are here. It will be very disappointing to him if Banner sticks to Darcy the entire time they are here, and Loki cannot casually run into her. He even has the perfect disguise in mind. Something that will definitely catch her eye. It is fortunate that she is obviously attracted to men, and men of his build, if what he sees over her shoulder on her computer is anything to go by. 

So, he went with tight pants, a button down, a scarf, and a longish overcoat. overall, he liked the look, and it was easy to stay within his favorite colors of green and black with it. 

Loki follows Banner and Darcy as they go into shop after shop, each of which seems to survive on selling useless tchochkes to the masses. Darcy is struggling to find exactly what she wants for Tony or Pepper, but she does find something for herself. Loki had wandered into the next aisle, when a sudden scream drew him back towards Darcy, in a bit of surprise.

“Bruce, Bruce, oh my Thor, Bruce!” Darcy shouts, far more loudly than necessary as the man was standing right next to her.

Bruce just stands there looking stunned as Darcy bounces up and down next to him holding a small blue box made of glass. 

“They have the TARDIS!”

“The what?”

“Oh, don't act all cool. You know what it is you big nerd.”

“Darcy, that is a Christmas tree ornament. It is February.”

“I don’t care, I am getting it anyways. It is my present for being nice to Tony.”

“If you say so. I am being nice too you know” Banner raises his eyebrows.

Darcy grins wickedly at him “Oh, don't you worry about that, I will def be rewarding you.”

Banner sighs heavily. “Now you made it weird. You always make it weird.”

Darcy laughs at him, and flounces away to the counter.

Loki shakes his head at Darcy’s antics. She is incredibly secure around Banner. She struck him several times while she screamed in his ear. And all he did was smile benevolently at her. Banner apparently has changed quite a bit from the man he learned of from Hawkeye. 

Darcy comes back from the counter, and grabs Banner by the hand. “ I promise this next store will be the last one.”

“If you say so. We have been gone a long time. I think I’ll just sit by the door this time, and check email or whatever.”

“Yeah, I get it. No worries.”

Loki thinks to himself, that if he was a more exuberant individual he would have jumped in the air. He walks into the building, letting the veil he has hidden himself with slide away. He decides to let Darcy look for a little while, while he picks up a couple bobbles to carry around. He is on the opposite side of a big display, when he realizes that Darcy is talking.

“Look, I understand that its hard to work up the balls to come and talk to someone, but really, I am busy, and I don't really have time for this right now”

“You wanna get coffee with me, get out of this place?”

“Dude, you have some seriously bad listening skills, huh?”

Loki walks around the end of the table, and speaks up “Hey, hon. Sorry, I got distracted. Do you think these would work for your sister?”

Darcy looks confused for a moment, and then smiles gratefully, “Oh, yeah. Those look good great. Thanks.” Turning to the man on her left she continues, “it was nice to meet you” and she walks over to Loki’s side. The man sighs, and walks off. 

Darcy grins up at Loki, “ah, man. That was some great timing on your part. He just wasn’t listening.”

“I figured that you wouldn’t mind the help at that point.”

“Plus, you rescued me while wearing a Sherlock coat, so I think you are pretty awesome.”

“I guess I did.” Loki smiles to himself, happy with his clothing choice.

“Oh, so I guess I better give you back your things.”

“Thanks, well I’ll see you around town again I am sure.” Loki smiles, and turns and walks away from her.

“Thanks for being my night in awesome coat!” Darcy shouts after him

Loki waves over his shoulder as he walk out of Darcy’s sightline, before veiling himself again. “That was good enough, I think.” Loki smiles to himself. And happily makes all the electronic toys turn on.


	5. Darcy was Very Taken with her Chance Encounter

Darcy has been flinging herself about the lab for the past week. Loki loves the fact that she is so affected by their “chance” encounter. It is very good for the ego. He wanders down to the lab to see what Darcy and everyone else is getting up to today. 

“Darcy. Can you please be productive?” Jane asks, staring at Darcy who is madly wandering around with two cups of coffee. “Darcy?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” Darcy replies, handing both of the coffees to Stark, and then going to get some paperwork from Jane. 

“You have been useless lately. You ok?” Jane asks when Darcy gets over to her.

“Yeah man. I think I might have just met like the most amazeballs guy ever though. And I can’t stop thinking about him.”

“A guy? What about me, Darce. What about me?” Tony asks, laughing.

“Oh, in your dreams dude.”

“You wouldn’t be saying that if you knew what happened there...” Tony waggles his eyebrows at Darcy. 

“That’s why they are dreams bro. They’ll never happen IRL.”

“What’s IRL?” Jane asks looking up from her work.

“In real life. Damn. I thought you were a real nerd.” Darcy replies

“Yeah, whatever.” Jane rolls her eyes good naturedly. Whatever awkwardness had been there before had dissipated. 

Darcy smiles at her, and goes back to type up all of the massive handwritten pile of notes that Jane had given her. Loki is surprised she is able to get anything from the pieces of paper, it seems as though Jane likes to write on top of her old writing, and upside down, basically using every centimeter of the paper. 

\---------

Loki follows Darcy up to the kitchen on her way to get lunch for everyone. Darcy never seems to look up from her phone when she is walking from one place to another, and she almost runs into the Captain on her way to the kitchen. He notices her in time however, and catches her by the shoulders.

“Holy fuck!” Darcy shouts, startled at the unexpected touch. 

“You’re fine there. Sorry about that. Didn’t mean to startle you.” The Captain replies.

“Ah, no worries Steve. I was...” Darcy trails off looking down at her phone, and blushes, looking back up at the Captain. “Well, I gotta get lunch for everyone. They won’t eat unless I shove it right under their faces. You want me to make you something too? Since I almost smacked into you, and screamed in your face?”

“Well, if its no trouble.” 

“Of course not! I was going to make sandwiches today. I could hear Jane’s stomach rumbling, so I want to make something fast.”

The Captain laughs, smiling down at Darcy, and follows her back into the kitchen. Darcy starts pulling out all of the ingredients for sandwiches, including a loaf of fresh bread.

“Wanna be useful there tall and blond? Cut some bread for everyone? I need... 5 sandwiches worth.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Darcy builds all of the sandwiches, one about twice the size of all the others, and one without meat. The rest are all the same. She leaves the massive sandwich with the Captain, and carries the rest back to the lab with her. 

“Hey there geeks! I come bearing gifts! I didn’t even drop em this time!” Darcy smiles at everyone and sets down her pile of sandwiches. 

None of the scientists respond. “Dude. Guys really?” Darcy rolls her eyes and starts wandering around slapping sandwiches down in front of people. Jane startles heavily at hers, Tony just starts eating, and Bruce actually mumbles in response. Darcy sits at her computer and starts scrolling through pictures and videos while she eats. Lots of pictures of the man Loki made himself look like come across the screen and Darcy sighs heavily enough times for even Jane to look up at her.

“Uhh, Darcy? What’s going on?”

“Sorry, don’t worry about it.” Darcy replies, and shuts her computer. She wanders around the lab for a bit, finally sitting down on the arm of of the couch next to Banner. Darcy sighs heavily again. “Why did you leave me alone while we were in town?” She asks Banner, sounding slightly put out.

“What is my fault now?” Banner looks up from the tablet he was reading on, in time to quickly get his arms out of the way as Darcy flings herself across his lap.

“You left me alone and some tall dark and handsome stranger, dressed like stupid Sherlock saved me from some creeper.” Darcy remains laid out across Banners lap, and flings her arm across her face to further her point. 

“Not to change the subject, but you never fling yourself in my lap like that Darce. And I am way less likely to turn big and green and rip you in half.” Tony shouts from across the room.

“You are more likely to ogle my breasts.” Darcy snarks back in reply.

“Exactly! Whereas Bruce has gone back to reading. He doesn’t even appreciate your breasts!” Tony replies, looking very distraught. “Seriously, Bruce. For the love of man, tell me you are aware that a pretty girl is in your lap.”

Banner looks down briefly at Darcy, huffs some air out of his nose, and goes back to reading. 

“Back to the point,” Jane interjects, “who is the hot man Bruce forced you to meet?”

“I don’t even know!” Darcy wails. “He came, rescued me away from this neanderthal who wouldn’t take no for an answer, and then melted off into the distance.”

“Well, we are a little isolated out here, if you go back to town, you are likely to run into him again eventually.” Jane replies pragmatically.

“I can go back into town!” Darcy shouts happily. She looks at Bruce and punches him in the shoulder “Why did you suggest that? Nerd.”

Banner looks up from his reading, shrugs, and continues on. It would seem as though Darcy’s presence in his lap was annoying, but Loki notices that Banner has not removed Darcy from his lap, nor did he tense at all when she hit him. This type of behaviour must be common. 

“Seriously, Bruce. Do you even like women?” Stark whines.

“I’m still here, aren’t I?” Darcy smirks at Stark. “I’d like to see how long you would last, bossman.”

Darcy swirls her legs around and with an impressive roll, comes up sitting next to Banner. Stark’s mouth is hanging open as he stares at her. “Darce, you are killing me here.” 

“I aim to please bro.” Darcy turns to Jane. “So, will you go with me to town?”

“I have work to do Darcy. Can’t you get someone else to go with you?”

“The boys are useless Jane. Please?” Darcy asks, putting on her best imitation of a pout. 

“Maybe. Can’t you go by yourself?”

“No!” Banner finally speaks up. “I should probably go with both of you. You are good targets. And we are pretty safe out here, but...” He faded out as Darcy glared at him.

“I can do things on my own. I have my taser. Nat has taught me self-defence. I am fine.”

This argument reeked of something they had discussed many times before, and Loki was not interested in listening to the pedantic nature of oft argued topics. 

\---------

Darcy, Jane and Bruce head into town a couple days later. The tension in the vehicle was absolutely palpable. Darcy was not happy to have not gotten her way. 

“Seriously Bruce. You didn’t have to come with us.”

“You know that Clint and Natasha would not have let you go on your own. Or with just Jane. Would you prefer one of them?”

“No, but...”

“Well, you have me. And I am way less likely to follow you into a bathroom.”

“Yeah I guess. I did make a waxing appointment. You gonna follow me into that?”

“A what now?”

“Waxing. Appointment?”

“I will not come with you to that.”

“But Bruce,” Darcy whines, “what if something bad happens?” She smirks at Banner.

“Jane can come with you to that.”

Jane whips her head around from where she had been diligently looking out of the window and pretending as though she could not hear the discussion going on right next to her. “I am not going to watch some scary woman put wax on... on....” 

“Oh Jane, can you not even talk about your vaginal area?” 

“I can talk about it Darce, I just...”

“What?”

“Do you not see that we are not alone, Darce? Really?”

“I am pretty sure the scientist knows that girls have vagoos, Jane.”

Banner is turning quite an uncomfortable shade of red. He is making Loki quite uncomfortable. Darcy is a nice girl. It would be kind of depressing to see her get ripped in half. But, surprisingly enough, he starts to laugh. 

“Oh, Darcy. I think you can manage a waxing appointment by yourself. Unless you want me to help you pick a design?”

Darcy starts laughing so hard she can barely breathe. “Oh, my sexy scientist friend, that is exactly why I love you so much. See Jane, at least someone has a sense of humor.”

“Be nice, Darcy.”

“Yes, Dad” Darcy replies, smiling sweetly. 

“Gross Darce. You called him sexy. Then you called him Dad.”

“Oh, Jane. Bruce and I have been hanging out for a while. We have an understanding. You’ll get used to it.”

It gets really awkward in the car, there is obviously something here that Loki does not understand. Yet. They park and get out. Darcy stands around and looks awkward for a moment, and then Jane comes up and hugs her.

“I’m sorry Darce. I didn’t mean that.”

“Yeah, yeah. Its ok.”

\---------

Darcy, Jane, and Bruce wander around downtown for a while, picking out different random items while Darcy waits for it to be time for her appointment. Finally they walk down past the spa, and Darcy leaves them to go inside; making plans to meet them at the deli afterwards. 

\---------

Darcy comes back out of the spa about an hour later, looking down at her phone. She is almost too easy to run into. Loki just steps into her path (a slightly different outfit this time, he has traded out the button down for a sweater, but kept the same jacket) and lets her smack right into him.

“Holy shit, Oh my God, I am so sorry...” Darcy trails off as she looks up and realizes who she ran into. “You are the guy from the shop the other week!”

“The shop?” Loki asks

“Yeah, you rescued me from the creeper...”

“Oh right! Sorry. I was just distracted.” Loki gives Darcy a charming smile.

“Well, it was really appreciated. I totally owe you. Wanna grab a coffee, or tea, or something?”

“That would be lovely.”

“Well, my friends are waiting for me at a deli down the road, and they will be peeved if I keep them waiting and don’t let them know what I am doing...”

“How about a different day then?” Loki replies, not wanting to see Banner and Jane, as they will potentially recognise him. “I am in a bit of a rush today anyways, and I would love to really have time to sit down with you.”

“Oh, yeah. Ok.” Darcy is obviously not happy, feeling like she is getting blown off.

“Also, I would not want to pull you away from your friends for too long. How about tomorrow? Around noon?” Loki asks, wanting to put Darcy back on ease. He needs her to trust him a bit.

“Sure!” She smiles brightly at him. Not completely sold, but interested enough to come back and try again. 

“Fantastic. I will see you tomorrow. At that deli?”

“Sounds good man.”

Loki makes his phone ring so he can get away from her without being asked any questions. He has not decided what to tell Darcy when she inevitably asks his name. Loki waves, and walks on past Darcy, while pretending to answer the phone.   
“Bye handsome stranger” Darcy says to his retreating back. She smiles, and basically skips down the road to the deli.

“You look happy for someone who just got hair ripped out of their body by the roots.” Banner states as Darcy comes up to the table.

“I saw him again!” Darcy shouts. “We made a coffee date for tomorrow! He is still hot!”

“Were you afraid he would degrade over time?”

“Always possible. Well, lets get going! I gotta get back so I can prep everything to be done early so I can leave tomorrow. Tony is not gonna be happy with me peacing out two days in a row. He is gonna be super jealous.”


	6. Loki has a Change of Plan

Natasha was not pleased when Darcy, Bruce, and Jane got back from town, and corners Darcy before she gets to the lab. 

“I think we need to address this mystery man you keep running into, Darcy. I am concerned that this is not just chance.”

“Ugh, Nat....” Darcy replies, Natasha frowns at her. “Can I not have my lovely stranger in a small town fantasy?”

“I just think that it is strange that the only two times you have been to town you have seen him, and only when you are alone.” 

“Fine. I told him I would meet him for lunch tomorrow at the deli. Do you want to come and babysit so you can see there is no problem?” 

“I think that would be best. I will do my best to not intrude on your date, Darcy... I am not trying to frustrate you, I just want everyone to be safe.” Natasha responds, smiling at Darcy to soften her message. 

“Yeah, yeah. I know.” Darcy replies, “I better get down to see what my wayward scientists are doing. You never know when Tony might singe his eyebrows off for fun..”

Natasha nods, and walks away. Loki watched this entire exchange, and is now unsure of what to do. He is no longer going to have an easy opportunity to ingratiate himself to Darcy before he is found out by the Avengers. Perhaps going at this in a different direction now would be wise. 

\-----------

A couple hours later, Pepper shows up down at the lab. “So, Darcy- What has Tony done now?” She asks.

“Oh, he is trying to create bots that can remove bras.”

Jane is studiously ignoring this exchange, but Bruce snorts quietly to himself as he continues to work. 

“Oh, Hey!” Tony shouts, “I was only kidding, I promise. Jokes all around, sorry for the confusion, and all that”

Pepper sighs heavily, and smiles at Tony. “I am sure it is all in good fun, Tony... but lets make sure that this little project doesn’t actually get completed?”

“Yes Pepper, of course Pepper.” Tony continues to talk to Pepper, but Loki decided that this exchange is boring, and so he heads upstairs to the common area where his brother (not really his brother) and Jane are watching television. 

“Jane, these warriors are quite fearsome,” Thor exclaims, “why do not all Midgardian warriors paint their faces in battle?”

Jane sighs, and furrows her brow, “I’m not sure why, probably because most war now is from far away? And camouflage would be the only thing they would use if they did, I am sure no one would paint their faces blue anymore.” She smiles at Thor.

“Ah, I understand.” Thor replies, and continues watching the television. 

Loki stares at the back of his brothers head for a moment, and shrugging to himself, drops his veil, appearing in all his usual Asgardian finery. 

“Hello, Thor, Jane. What are you watching?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I abandoned this for so long! I am going to try to finish it before Christmas!


End file.
